Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Wedded Bliss Link-up

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 I'm participating in a new link-up this week:

If you could give one piece of advice to any married (or soon-to-be married) couple, what would it be?
When we got married we received pre-marital counseling from both of our churches.  One of our sessions was from a married couple who advised us that when differences arose we should ask, Who has the greater need?  For instance, if it is important to one spouse that she receives a nice birthday gift and it doesn't matter to the him, she has the greater need.  (This was their personal example, not ours!)  I think this stuck with both of us because my husband gave this advice to my best friend when she was engaged and I wasn't even present.  Our other counselor had us talk about expectations which relates to family of origin.  I think talking about family of origin is one of the most important things you can do.  Even though my husband and I came from similar social and economic backgrounds, we both have plenty of differences in family of origin that affect the expectations we have in our marriage.  Examples of differences can be as simple as how you wash dishes or who normally drives or as complicated as relationships with in-laws or how to handle arguments.

What is an absolute MUST for any marriage/relationship?
Daily expressions of love, however your spouse best receives it.  I love the concept of the Five Love Languages (it works in all relationships, not just marital) because it addresses that each person gives and receives love differently.  We can think we're expressing love to our spouse constantly, but if we're speaking only our language and not theirs, they may not be hearing us.  If we don't take the time to let our spouse know at least on a daily basis that we love them it's easy to drift apart.  That reminder that you love them is also just as much for them as it is for you--it's a way to refocus your thoughts and actions in a way that supports that love.

What is the #1 no-no in a marriage?
"Secret" friends.  Without even going so far as to say infidelity, if you feel the need to hide a relationship from your spouse you should ask yourself why.  So you say you're hiding it because your spouse overreacts?  Then discuss it with them up front.  Respect your spouse's feelings--if they reasonably request that you avoid certain behaviors with friends of the opposite sex then you need to respect that.

What is the biggest lesson you have learned from your marriage?
Wow--I have to pick just one again?  I'm going to cheat and say that the biggest lesson I have learned is how to be a better Christian because that includes: learning to apologize better and sooner, learning to make sacrifices, learning forgiveness, learning how to be slow to anger, etc., etc., etc.!  I think when I was younger I knew that one of the points of marriage was to be a model of Christ's love for the church, but I didn't really get that until I was married and saw how that all played out.  I really get it now and constantly find it amazing how the lessons I learn from marriage really apply to Christianity.

4 comments:

  1. Found you from the link-up - great advice! I think you're right that marriage can make you a better Christian: acts of love and selflessness, putting another before yourself, etc. I never really thought about it that way before!

    young-southern.blogspot.com

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  2. Thanks, Kristin--glad you stopped by! I think the biggest "Aha!" moment I had was when I thought about how much I love my husband and realized that Christ loves me MORE than that! Last night I was thinking about all my faults and how my husband still loves me and said to God, Well, he must feel how you feel!

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  3. I really like the concept of "who has the greater need" I am going to tell my husband about that one! It really is a good thing to keep in mind and would probably save us a lot of time during a disagreement, ha! Thanks for linking up with us!! Hope you join us again next week :)

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  4. I couldn't agree more on your no-no!! You're a smart lady. Also, I like yer fish down at the bottom of the page.

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