Saturday, November 30, 2013

My wonderful husband

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My husband has been amazing since the day we learned I was pregnant.

I had my first initial moment of "YES!" and not too long after that I got quite nervous.  I later read (and was told by someone else expecting at the same time) that apprehension even for a planned or desired pregnancy is completely normal.  We long for the pregnancy and then think, Am I really able to do this?

I think I expected that more from my husband and was so comforted by his pure happiness.  He seemed more confident than me!  We both needed our first days to really comprehend what was happening, but I loved seeing us both realize the presence of someone else ("You have a person in you!") and all of the things we had to look forward to.
The flowers he brought home for me
It really felt like our marriage received an extra injection of love and appreciation for the other.  I remember feeling last winter like we were in a figurative winter and now, after a few beautiful months of pregnancy, I can hardly remember what that could have been like.  We were renewed in so many ways just because of our anticipation and our joy at co-creating an eternal soul.
The "mums" he picked for the new mum :-)  Loved his creativity...
And when the bad news came that our baby would be ours for only a very short time, he was still amazing.  He needed to do something for me so he raced to the bakery before it closed to bring me a cupcake.  He tried to find something for us to do together the next day since I just couldn't go to work.  He finally indulged me and watched a movie in bed (which he now really likes).  He let me cry whenever I needed to and he told me how good I had been and how I had done so much and nothing was my fault.  I couldn't do this without him.

We will never fully understand the "why" of our loss this side of heaven, but the way that our baby lit up our lives and our marriage for his short, 3-month life is good to have for now.  Malachi reminded me daily of how wonderful my husband is, even if my own frustrations with life leave me blind to his good spirit.  He was, and always will be, "my angel".

4 comments:

  1. That is such a beautiful post, Kelley. I am also amazed about what good our child brought in the short time he/she lived within me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really is amazing what a short life can still do, huh?

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  2. the good men are out there, and God bless them for listening and supporting and loving. Glad you have a good husband.

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