Monday, May 9, 2016

What am I doing?

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We moved recently.  And it's actually been 6 months, but a bit less since we've been in the house we purchased.  But I definitely still feel like it's a new thing.  There have been a lot of things to which I have had to adjust, more than usual.  I've never moved as a mother before, or owned a house.

But the dust began to settle in the last few weeks and I now feel all of the little items left over from moving have been checked off the list and the house, while missing some key pieces of furniture, is more or less in order.  My son has been spending some time playing independently and I'm optimistic this might increase as time marches on (I know it will--it's just so hard to picture).  It's left me thinking about what it is that I will do with my time going forward.

I have been staying home with our son full-time (I worked part-time previously) mainly because of the move.  If we had stayed where we were I didn't have any intention of leaving my job.  So by default, I became a "SAHM".  But with only one babe who does actually sleep now (I have an evening again!), I have to consider what's next.

I have been thinking a lot over the past few months about going back to work.  Should I or should I not?

If I don't, what else should I be doing with my time?  I have held off starting up with new Creighton clients in our new town because I wasn't sure about work.  If I go back to work, I cannot be handling new clients.  I can maintain my current clients, but growing the ministry is not feasible.  I have considered other home business-type endeavors as practically all of the "SAHMs" I know have some kind of "on the side" income-producing activity.  But all require an investment of money or time in education and that seems silly as a person with a very viable career option and expensive training as a Creighton practitioner.  I should stick with these things for which I am already prepared and in which I have already invested my time and finances.

But the other day I thought, what about the things that went by the wayside when I was just surviving?  (Survival mode lasted much longer here than I feel like it was supposed to--but this kid didn't sleep through the night until he was a year old!)  So the two things that came to mind were baking all of our bread and blogging.  OK, I says to meself, start with those two things and see what happens.  See where those things take your time and your mind and then come back to the question.

So I decided to start blogging again.  I took a look at my draft posts to figure out where I should start.  There were unfinished posts about family trips and the ordinary day to day.  And then there were posts about having a new baby.  And posts about faith.  I had to ask, Why am I blogging?  What's the point?  Is this for my mother-in-law to know what we're doing?  Is it purely for my own record-keeping?  A diary of sorts?  Is it to be informative or helpful to others?  My blogging has always been all over the map because I want to chronicle our life, but I also have other things to say.

But in asking this question about my blogging, I realized that this needs to be the question I am asking about what the next step is for me.  Basically, what is the Main Thing?  I remember hearing the phrase "Keep the Main Thing the main thing" when I was growing up in church events, retreats and the like.  Am I keeping the Main Thing the main thing?  What is the main thing? 

The main thing is living for the next life, not this one.  The most important thing about living this life is to prepare myself and others for the next.  It all boils down to that.  I knew this, but I had kind of forgotten.  Similar to when I realized the primary purpose of my marriage to my husband was the work of being his personal evangelist, I had an epiphany that I had not been letting this purpose, the Main Thing, inform my musings about what's next.

So now I am asking, Is what I am doing (or considering doing) serving the ultimate purpose of evangelizing the people I love and with whom I come in contact?  What is the most important thing I can do for my son?  Bringing him up in the faith.  Is my choice supporting that?

Even though I'm still just as unsure as before about the right answer, I feel so much more at peace about not knowing by simply remembering what the most important thing is and reminding myself that it is the question to ask myself when I am uncertain.  It won't necessarily mean that the answer comes to me right away because I asked it, but it ensures I am headed in the right direction.

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